The Aneurism Dump
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: Take a peek again into the daily lives of our ginger buttpirate and zombiecracker as they battle the random girl interested in Heine, a singing Bishop, being trapped in the closet, lunchtime confessions, and many, many more! Full sum inside. Rated M. R&R!


Disclaimer: The ownership of Dogs: Bullets and Carnage, and anything related to such belongs to Miwa Shirow. I also do NOT own any of the songs the thingies are titled after.

A/N: Hi there. So long story relatively short: I was bored, saw some song!prompts for DGM, and decided that I'd just use some songs on my ipod, for DOGS mind you. A sort of therapy for Writers Block the Bitch. These are random and shit, so uh, don't pee your pants? I know they're not too great or anything, but I was bored and wanted to try. Now that I think about it, this is sorta like a dump of randomshitz. BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOY AND I WILL BE WITH THE SHUTTING UP.

The Aneurism Dump

1. Alive

Amid the screams of the dead collapsing to the ground like fallen domino pieces and the choking smoke clouds in the air and the crackle of gunshots and incessant _bitching _of his partner [on the subject of racism against his forefathers in this goddamn country and, not that he cares or anything, but what the fuck _is_ he, anyway? Badou kinda sounds Japanese but the red hair is a mystery..] the albino couldn't help but notice the lack of comment from that fucking mutt in his head, so maybe, just _maybe _he'd decided to fuck off for one night.

2. Girlfriend

Badou groaned dejectedly, and before the chatty girl could corner Heine [wild eyed and twitching, pale fingers curled round The Bourne Identity] against the shelves of rentable movies, he stalked over to the duo, swooped down, and placed a chaste smooch on the albino's slightly parted [and mortified] lips. The girl pouted cutely, shuffled away with some lame-ass excuse and muttered, "Damn. He's already got a girlfriend."

3. Trapped in the Closet (part 1)

"Badou, come out of the closet," Heine demanded, voice cracking _just so_ with the effort to _not _giggle madly at the funny he'd made. [fuckin' lame snowflake]

Badou scowled in the dark, knocking a random article of clothing hanging from his face. "Not until that shitty tranny evacuates the premises!"

"Its your own damn fault for taking a peek."

"Most people would be _flattered!_ Besides, who wears teddy bear panties?!"

"Obviously her."

4. Love Story

"You know, Romeo was fuckin' retarded," Badou commented over the lull of the television, a determined quirk to his thin lips and characteristic cig rooted to the corner of his mouth.

Heine cocked an eyebrow at him, attention diverted from the half-empty [or full, take your pick] bag of chips beside him.

"Really Badou," he deadpanned, mechanically popping a chip into his mouth, ears perking at the satisfying crunch it made.

"Yeah," Badou continued. "dumbass coulda just gotten some pussy and left but _nooo _he had ta go and get himself stabbed."

"S'pretty hard-boiled." Heine murmured, much to Badou's chagrin. [he just _doesn't _understand that hard-boiled don't equate to dying for some ugly-ass chick like Leo DiCaprio did, fuckin' _twice_]

5. Master of Puppets

Heine moaned into the wet mouth sealing his, legs folded against his chest with a sufficiency he hadn't known Badou possessed as long persistent fingers curled inside him. They went it search for that _one spot _that'd make him see stars [or whateverthefucks s'pposed to happen]. His eyes swiveled for something to look at, to forget that a _certain ass pirates _goddamn _hand _was practically up his ass.

Badou abruptly detached his mouth from the albino's and grinned in the dark, hand steadying Heine's hip, all the while still pumping his fingers in and out at a pace the albino wasn't too thrilled with.

"Guess ya know how them ventriloquist dummies feel now, eh dummy?"

The blow of retribution was dealt by a heavy fist to the redheads yellowed teeth and a hissed, "Less talking more fucking, shit brains!"

6. All Good Things

"The _fuck _is it called?" Badou inquired, murky eye comically wide and staring incredulously at Heine over the top of his coffee cup.

"Skullfucking," Heine curtly replied as he set his own cup down and reached for a fork, loading it with pasta. "S'when someone rips out your eye and fucks the empty socket." His tone was matter-of-fact, as if explaining life lessons to a cherished pupil, plus waving his fork in the air spoke volumes about demonstration and such.

Badou squeaked and palmed the patch covering his eye. "That's _fuckin' sick._"

"Yeah," Heine grunted an affirmative. "But hey, you're halfway there, all you need's a cock and you're all set."

"That's instant death you fucktwat!" Badou shrieked, drawing the attention of surrounding patrons. "_No-one _is fuckin' me in the eye! Least of all your igloo-white ass!"

Heine wasn't necessarily paying attention, too wrapped up in the subject matter of _Brains v.s Cock_ in-between bites of pasta.

"Probably fuckin' weird to get off on brain tissue. I mean, it's squishy, but is the mess _really _worth it?" [Badou wouldn't dare question how much the albino fucker knew about brains]

7. Trapped in the Closet (part 2)

"Fine, if you won't come _out, _I'll come in," Heine snapped, slamming the door behind them and effectively swathing the small closet in darkness, aside from the glow of Badou's lit cigarette.

There was a snigger to his immediate left, where a boney shoulder was wedged against his.

"…Hehe, Heine's stuck in the closet," And he didn't need night-vision to know the redhead's thin lips were stretched into a maddened grin. Frankly, he could make out the pale face twisted humorously in the scarce light, the bastard giddy with the pun he'd stolen.

The moment called for something utterly ridiculous, and by Jeebas [1] Heine would supply it.

"Shut the fuck up. If this is your way of romancing me, you're doing a piss-poor job."

Badou laughed, a shrill bark in the isolated space. "Aww don't be like that, baby."

There was a pregnant pause as their eyes made contact in the near-dark.

"Badou-"

"Never call each other cute-sy pet names like baby, sweetheart, or honey. 'Specially when jokin."

"Or snowflake." Heine added.

"Right. Anywho," gaunt arms began to shove him towards the door, "get your scrawny ass out there and make sure that tranny's gone."

Heine turned the knob, the door opened, and _oh _let there be light! Illuminating Badou's cowering form however, the phrase was lost.

"'M not your fuckin' slave," Heine snarled. [though he made sure the coast was clear, if not cuz he needed the dumbshit alive for a lil' longer]

8. Retarded In Love

Badou steeled himself, nibbling on the cig dangling from his lower lip, then plowed forward. "Okay, don't jump to conclusions or anythin, but I might like, love you and shit."

Heine took exactly five seconds to stare blankly at the redhead [he wasn't the only one: Mimi and Mihai were positively gaping while Kiri was anticipating the use of her handy calculator ] before nonchalantly lifting his plate, loaded with chicken alfredo, into the air and chucking it at him.

Badou let out a terrified shriek as the _very glass dangerous filled-with-food _plate sailed toward him, fucking slow-mo as he barely dodged it and it shot straight into the far wall behind him, shattering into millions of pieces, splattering pasta and chicken _everywhere_. Kiri was gonna be _so fuckin more pissed off than usual._

The calm before the storm [more like shock] was filled with the tatta-tatta of Kiri entering numbers into her calculator and grumbling and the sharp breaths leaving Badous' lips.

"WHAT THE FUCK'S YOUR FUCKIN PROBLEM YOU NUTCASE?! THAT COULD'VE HIT ME!" He roared, rising from the table to slam both fists into it, glaring hotly at the albino across from him.

"Damn," Heine muttered, dejected. "I missed."

"THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WAS LIE AND SAY OH, SORRY, I SAW A FLY!"

"Oh. Sorry. I saw a fly." Heine said. "A very annoying stupid one eyed one. With red hair. And I missed."

9. Love Games

The Bishop belted out the lyrics like a natural born idol, waving his cane in the air like he just didn't care.

_I'm on a mission and it involves some heavy touching, yeahYou've indicated your interest, I'm educated in sex, yesAnd now I want it bad, want it badA love game, A love game_

As the complex priest known as a lolicon began to shimmy and shake, Heine clapped a hand over the convulsing Badous' mouth, wide eyed himself with pure terror, and bypassing the giggling Nill, dragged the redhead out onto the church steps.

And there, on the steps of sin themselves, where the two could really be themselves the second Heine released his partner, they let loose.

Badou immediately burst into laughter, tears streaking his face, "oh god, he was using the fuckin cane end as a microphone!"

Heine on the other hand shuddered, attempting and failing to purge the image from his memory. "Lame ass." He said instead, rocking back on his heels.

"_My hearing still works fine, Heine-kun!" _

The albino huffed, muttering how he knew that, and folded his arms across his chest.

Badous pointed, his laughter doubling.

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That is all. WHY 9 KINKYEYEPATCHSHIT-SAMA? Because I'm too impatient for 10 to come to me. Plus I'm not using any of the TBC ideas for this. So. Tell me how you feel about this (strikes a therapist pose) and as always, errors you see, you tell me, yesh? I LOVES YOU and no worries, TBC will be updated soon!


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